I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
