New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
