Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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