your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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