Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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