i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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