Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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