He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was born a porn star she said
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
