Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
