I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
