so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
