toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
try to milk me bitch
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