piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
