dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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