I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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