I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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