ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
