can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
