College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
