dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
