we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
