Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
