mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
