I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
