OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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