i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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