All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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