Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
