the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
