just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
