saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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