I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
