Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
