For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
