dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
