what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
