And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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