no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
