Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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