her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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