You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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