I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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