I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
