Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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