He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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