Jerry, you need to find god
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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