just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
