did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
