I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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