Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
