You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
