Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
