Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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